Holiday Hijinx

Labor Day might be my favorite holiday. I pretty much treat every day as if it were a holiday. so I don't generally celebrate more on holidays, but Labor Day is the paradox of holidays and therefore quintessentially human.

Unlike most other holidays, it actually makes sense even though it doesn't. Labor Day is a day we take off working to celebrate the fact that we work. Let's celebrate how hard we work by not doing it. It makes perfect sense to me. Not like some of our other holidays that don't even make paradoxical sense.

Christmas - Nonsense: Jesus wasn't even born in December and the date is actually from an Egyptian myth long before Christianity that became a pagan holiday Christians co-opted in order to convert more people.

Easter - Nonsense: Seriously, A grave gets robbed 2000 years ago and all of a sudden, we are hunting colored eggs hidden by a giant pink bunny? What in the world happened there?

Thanksgiving - We eat Turkey, fight with our family, watch football and go to sleep.....wait a minute, that's awesome, never mind.

Halloween - Awesome Nonsense: We dress up like idiots, girls dress up like whores in honor of scaring away dead spirits by looking like them. That's religion for you, but also proof that good things can come out of religion once a millennium; I love it that girls can dress up like whores in October guilt free.

Veteran's Day - Backward: Great idea in principle, but what in the world are all the people who weren't veterans doing getting a day off for something they had nothing to do with. Not to mention, most of the veterans I know don't even get the day off....

New Year's Day - Let's pick an arbitrary new beginning and celebrate by making very pious resolutions for wholesale changes to make our lives better and healthier for the coming year. By the way, then we'll kick it off by getting staggeringly, belligerently hammered and drive intoxicated to see how many car accidents we can have in one night!

July 4th - Let's set an arbitrary day that our country was "founded" and celebrate patriotism by shooting off incendiaries! Very apropos. Oh, and let's eat a tube of mystery meat parts that could include pieces of rat feces and shoe as well.

Screw em all and give me Labor Day!