Cattle and Linguistic Holes

Who in the world ever thought that the linguistic world of the domesticated ungulate Bos Primigenius would be so damn absurd?

Cattle: it's the overarching species term for everything. Cow is a female version of cattle. Bull is a male version of cattle. It should be that simple.

But just you wait.

What is the singular version of the word cattle? There isn't one. so we use......cow.

Q: But wait, isn't that the word for the female?
A: Yeah, we just thought we would confuse native speakers of English with our ridiculous colloquialisms.

Ok, as if that wasn't confusing enough. Look there is a "cow" with horns on its head! That would mean its a bull! Oh wait, gotta check for the testicles before you say that. If its been castrated, it's a steer.

If they are younger cattle then they would be called calves. And the powers that be even thought this one through...at least enough...to have singular calf! But if there is only one male calf, it would still be technically correct for my 3-year old nephew Aaron to point at it and say: "look, a cow!"

But wait, there's more, if a female hasn't given birth to any cattle calves (what I wouldn't give to see a cow give birth to a steer...) AND she is under three years of age, she's not a cow--she's a heifer.

It gets even better.

Q: A heifer who gives birth to a calf is now a cow, right?
A: nah, sometimes they call that a first-calf heifer.

This is ridiculous and makes no linguistic sense. So after all of this, what in the world is an OX??

Frankly, I think we should just call them all "Steak."