Elephant Tipping

Would elephant tipping be more fun than cow tipping?

I once tried to test this theory, but I happened to find a kangaroo farm instead. So I jumped on one of their backs to try and ride one, but it didn't seem too appreciative, so it threw me off. I was disappointed, but I figured it was a sign that people shouldn't ride kangaroos. I saw the light. That is when I formed CAKR: The Coalition against Kangaroo Riding. It was going very well at first. The pipe bombs we strategically placed at the banks funding the majority of people attempting to ride kangaroos exploded without incident injuring few and killing none. But the cherry bombs we placed in the toilets of the head offices of the zoos housing kangaroos against their will misfired and our fingerprints were found all over them. We were forced to go underground until we actually gathered enough information on internal affairs of the local police to trade for immunity.

On the way to testify against the crooked cops in exchange for my freedom, the muffler of the car I was riding in fell off. The car following us ran over it and popped their front tire, forcing it to spin out of control and slam into the guardrail. The drivers thought about stopping but decided against it and roared on to the courthouse. To make a long story short, I testified without a hitch and the crooked cops were put in jail.

As I walked out of the courthouse, it started to rain. I didn't have an umbrella so I ducked into a coffee shop and took one of the umbrellas sitting inside the front door. I walked along in dry happiness for a while, when I was suddenly accosted by 3 large men in trench coats that introduced themselves as friends of the police officers my testimony incarcerated. I threw the umbrella at them but they just caught it in midair and kept on advancing. I backpedaled a few paces when I bumped into a massive man and his friend. He grabbed me by the shoulders as I looked backward and saw the other men still advancing on me. The man holding me looked in my eyes with fury and asked me if I had seen his umbrella. I nervously pulled my head backward in indication for him to look behind me. He saw his umbrella in the hands of the man advancing upon us and his eyes widened in anger. He dropped me and advanced to meet the friends of the crooked cops. I ran as fast as I could while the men proceeded to fight over the umbrella I stole and the cops I testified against.

As I was running away in the rain and getting completely soaked without an umbrella, a car stopped and graciously offered me a ride. It happened to be an executive's town car and as he was putting a towel down on the seat for me to sit on, I spied his open briefcase next to him, which happened to have some files about kangaroos in it. In speaking to him, I came to find out that he was the head of a company that was attempting to displace the majority of the kangaroos in the world in order to capitalize on a complicated real estate scheme. I punched him in the face and stole his briefcase. I resurrected CAKR and used the documents to bring down the evil corporation. I achieved enough fame to save the kangaroos and attempt all the elephant tipping I wanted. Too bad when i got the chance, it didn't work. They sleep lying down. I guess I could have averted this whole thing if I had just googled elephants.

Free Writing Spontaneous Nonsense is Fun.